Friday, June 17, 2011

It's funny

Two things:  A him, a her.

I push them both away as they both fade away.

I fear them both leaving.

I despise the truth in both.

It's funny how different the situations are, yet these realizations are so similar.

Dear boy,
Please let me heal.

Dear woman,
Please heal.

I am unable to focus.  I shy away from both.  I am not shy.

Please stay; do not let me have to face this all too soon.  I am afraid.  I want to speak, I want to ask, I want to comfort, I want to be there for you.  I want to hug, I want to kiss, I want to heal.  I want things to be better, I want to face this issue, I want to be strong for you.  But I run.  I run.  You're going down, and I'm tripping as I run away.  I don't want the last thing for you to see be my back.  I am sorry for being a coward.

And, you, for you:  You must run.  A part begs to toss a tree branch, trip you as you skip away in hand.  He's right in the abandonment.  "Was I nothing?"  No, no, and I will not be.  But, please, please, turn and walk away.  Do not turn your head, do not double take.  Do not stop in your path to say hello.

I'll come around, in time.

I don't understand how one can be a healer when one is falling apart.  But how can you save when you need to if there is not the time to heal yourself?  When are we being self-centered in comparison to fearing?  Selfishness that you will never be able to replace.  You can't make up time.  Time only takes; it does not give.

It is not a wish for a pistol or a bullet.  It is a wish for courage.  It is not for the gentleman, not the man in the jail car trotting away.  Trickery.  There is no smoke to be had.  Just silence.

You cannot replace time.  Time only takes; it does not give.  It does not give.

You're Sickening

Your gorgeous face
Your strong hands

Those straight teeth
The spontaneous adventures
The shape of your nose
The softness of your little ears

Fuck it all
Fuck you

I will be free

Thursday, June 9, 2011

To heal, to forgive, to move past

No se
que esté
Las palabras
Ne znam
My tongue
Your mind
My heart

It took two years
This is taking time


There are no warnings

Just be.