Monday, January 30, 2017

Are you awake?

I'm watching her die.

I'm watching her die, aren't I.

A pattern.  But it's not meant...

I can't watch this movie play out.

It's just pain and suffering again.  Love, love spent on something fading away.

Maybe it's why I don't want to believe in love anymore.

Because it is too real.  Because I feel it.  Because I'm watching it die.  I'm holding it in my fingers, trying to support it, trying to be there for it, trying to be what I could not when she was suffering...

Be mine, not because it will be February.

Be mine because I wanted to be yours.

Be here with me as you always were.

Please do not fade away.

Please do not leave me.

Do not mistake my inability to cry anymore for indifference.

You'll always be her to me.  You're always you to me.  You always were.

We'll fight again, we'll hug again, we'll cry again.

What is existence, anyway?

It is the absence that makes it feel like this is something.  But it feels like nothing.

I don't know what I'm saying, and I never know what I'm thinking.

What if they are gone, too?
What if he leaves, too?

Where will you all be?

Maybe nothing is the end and the beginning.
Maybe, soon, there will be peace.

I'll love you forever, whatever that means.  Take a part of me away.  I want you to have it.